Words as Weapons
by Emerald Lotus
Summary: Set after the events in "The Gauntlet", feeling both emotionally and physically hurt from that night starts to take its toll on Mikey. And while he tries, he's having a difficult time getting over how his brothers treated him during their mission.


**A one-shot based after the season one episode "The Gauntlet".**

* * *

They had been beaten. Beaten until their bruises had transformed from purple to an ugly black against their skin. Their escape was sheer luck mixed with the unexpected mutations of Bradford and Xever. If not for that they surely would have fallen at the hands of Shredder. Although, they could have escaped sooner if Mikey hadn't needlessly thrown all of the smoke bombs away. That mistake had almost cost them their lives and his brothers definitely let him know it.

The trip back to their home was quiet and long. Once they returned to the lair, Mikey collapsed onto one of the beanbags and the others fanned out across the room. Their defeat weighing heavily on their minds.

Mikey was thinking about how much his back ached and how it hurt to breathe, but he didn't want to say anything. His brothers were just as hurt as he was. Even though they had shells, it didn't protect them from everything. Mikey didn't want to sound like he was whining. Besides he had caused enough trouble that day.

Master Splinter entered the room with Leo, looking solemn. "Go to bed my sons. You have had a rough night and you need your rest."

_Rough night? We were so lucky to survive._ Mikey thought to himself.

"Hai, Sensei," They said in unison.

Mikey got up from his position on the beanbag with some difficulty and made his way to his bedroom. His movements were slow and he ached with each step. Pretty sure that he had at least twisted his ankle, he limped to his room. The mess in his bedroom was treacherous to cross. He had to navigate carefully through the junk on the floor, cursing himself for being so messy. Once he got across the room, Mikey crawled into his bed and instantly fell asleep.

His dreams however were not a refuge from the long day. A nightmare that was infinitely dark, and covered with blood. Something so rare for Mikey to experience.

The sounds of swords clashing echoed through his mind, while the screams of his brothers falling in battle escalated. And Mikey couldn't do anything. He was paralyzed, a hostage in his own dreams. He could only watch and listen as the Shredder mercilessly struck down his brothers. The slick sound of metal through skin was the last thing he heard before he screamed himself awake.

Staring at the ceiling, Mikey tried to process what had just happened. His heart was beating roughly inside his chest and he was panting like he had just run a marathon. Each time he inhaled though felt like being poked by needles. It took a while to catch his breath but he was finally able to calm himself down.

"Ugh," Mikey moaned, rolling out of bed. "I've never had a dream that terrible before." He glanced at his alarm clock showing him that it was still quite early. He still has at least another hour before they were supposed to be in the dojo, but he didn't want to sit alone his dark room anymore.

He moved out into the dojo where Master Splinter was meditating. Early morning light filtered in from the grates above the tree.

"Michelangelo, practice does not start for another hour," Master Splinter stated simply. He still had his eyes closed when he spoke, but Master Splinter always knew which of his brothers had walked into the room without having to see them.

"I know Sensei, but can I sit and meditate with you?" Mikey asked, while standing before him.

At this Master Splinter opened his eyes to look at his son. "Of course. You are always welcome to do so."

Master Splinter looked Michelangelo over to see if there was anything obviously wrong with him, other than the injuries he had already sustained. He saw how Michelangelo was holding himself. Mikey wouldn't put weight on his left foot. He was bothered by something; he looked anxious and a little bit frightened.

"Come sit next to me and we can meditate together."

Mikey smiled and moved to sit down. Slowly he placed himself to the ground. It was impossible to sit cross-legged on the floor without jostling his injuries. Both his ribs, and ankle protested at the movement, but he tried to ignore it.

"Is something bothering you that you would like to discuss," Master Splinter asked.

Mikey shook his head. "You always say meditation calms the mind. I think I just need that right now."

Master splinter nodded, and proceeded to meditate once more. Mikey closed his eyes, and went through the motions Master Splinter had taught him on how to clear his mind. Deep breaths, relax your body, and clear your mind.

Meditation had always been a struggle for Mikey. It's not as though he couldn't focus. He definitely could. In fact he could sit for hours with his drawing pad, or attempting tricks with a skateboard trying to perfect a move. It's just when he focused he needed to be moving. Meditation was difficult in that way. He liked to think, and he always got his most creative ideas when he was sitting still. Which then always made him want to move, and start working on them. Donnie suspected Mikey had ADHD but it was never fully confirmed. Mikey just liked to assume he had a big imagination that was so brilliant it couldn't be shut off.

Although now he was trying his hardest not to think, yet his mind buzzed with thoughts of everything that had happened in the past day. He tried to shut it out. He didn't want to think about any of it anymore.

Mikey didn't want to think about how he had almost been crushed by the sign, or how Leo was almost killed by Shredder. Neither did he want to think about Raph's screams as he was electrocuted. Most of all Mikey didn't want to think about how his brothers had pushed him aside, and how they didn't want to be with him.

_I don't want him. You take him._

He was being passed around like a puppy no one wanted to take responsibility for anymore. They only saw him as something equal to a pet, not a person. Not a brother. Useless.

_No. No! Block it out._

He forcefully pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind._ Focus_ he thought to himself. Mikey counted each breath. But it was hard to breathe, like he had been underwater a little too long. His right side ached with each inhale.

"Michelangelo, I sense you are troubled," Master Splinter said softly.

"Yes, sensei. I-I was trying to clear my mind, but I injured my side yesterday and it hurts to breathe."

"I see. It may help you to take smaller breaths."

"Okay, Sensei." Mikey switched breathing techniques. It helped to ease the pain and he quickly got a few moments of relief as a calm washed over him.

Unfortunately it didn't last long as his focus was abruptly broken by the sounds of his brothers opening the doors to the dojo.

"Wow, Mikey's actually in here early?" Raph had whispered, but Mikey heard him anyway.

"That's a first," Leo said. "Who knew he could get up before noon willingly?"

The others chuckled quietly.

"He's not even goofing off. Wanna bet he fell asleep…again." Donnie added with a snicker.

Mikey opened his eyes then and looked at them. He struggled slightly to stand up. Mikey didn't want to be around them at the moment, so he decided to leave. They were in his way, so Mikey roughly brushed past Donnie's shoulder since he got in the way of his exit. He didn't stop to see what they said next.

He just walked as far away from them as they could and eventually ended up in the kitchen. Normally he wouldn't react to their remarks, but it was all starting to pile up. He couldn't stand it anymore. They just kept taking jabs at him as if it didn't matter what they said at all.

Mikey leaned up against the kitchen island. He never realized how much his brothers thought of him as a joke. Or maybe he just didn't want to admit it. He knew he didn't look like he took his training seriously, but that's only because he didn't like to be serious.

Mikey hated tense situations. The feeling of anger ate away at him like acid. It didn't feel good to be angry or sad. If he actually managed to get depressed, it clung to him like a shadow and was difficult to escape from.

Mikey goofed off because he liked the sound of laughter. Life should be fun, and even though he knew he sometimes went a little overboard with his pranks and jokes, Mikey wasn't going to stop. When people laugh it meant they were truly alive, enjoying themselves. That's what he aimed to do. Although now he wasn't so sure it was worth it anymore.

He also knew he had trouble concentrating, which was a main teasing point for his brothers. Mikey noticed early on that he learned things visually, and sometimes he had to be told what to do multiple times before it sunk it. That didn't mean he wasn't paying attention (although sometimes that actually was the case). It was like that first night when they went out to save April. Leo had told them the plan about waiting for the truck to come, and Mikey had asked him to go over it again. They all groaned in exasperation, but he just wanted to make sure he got everything straight. He didn't want to screw it up like they had in their first fight on the surface.

Mikey was pulled from his thoughts as the pain in his side was getting tougher to bear the longer he stood. He needed some medicine to take the edge off at least, but that required moving. He slowly shuffled over to the cabinet that held some of their medicines. Mikey grabbed the Tylenol out of the cabinet with some effort and took two pills out of the bottle. After swallowing the pills, he rested his elbows on the counter, closed his eyes, trying to will the pain away.

"Yo Mikey, what's up with that little show you just put on? Forget to dust off one of your comic books or something." Raph had come up behind him.

Mikey ignored him. Instead he reached up to place the pill bottle back in the cabinet. As his hands were stretched out, Raph smacked him in his injured side with the back of his hand trying to get Mikey's attention.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

Mikey couldn't respond. Normally a hit like that wouldn't have bothered him at all. It wasn't even that hard. Yet the pain Mikey felt was immense, and knocked all the air out of him. Mikey dropped the bottle of Tylenol on the counter and the lid popped off, all the pills scattering to the floor. He felt his legs go weak, and his knees buckled. His vision spotted and then he blacked out.

When he came to he was still lying on the kitchen floor, so it must have not been that long. The feeling of the pills, like little pebbles, was uncomfortable against his skin. Raph had an odd expression of confusion and guilt on his face, while the others hovered around worriedly.

"Mikey, are you okay? Y-you just passed out." Raph looked flustered. His hands were hovering over Mikey's chest unsure of what to do to help him.

Mikey blinked and shook his head. "No I'm not okay." It came out sounding bitter, and the words tasted foul in his mouth. He didn't like sounding so angry. Mikey shoved Raph's hands aside and pushed himself into a sitting position up against the cabinets.

"What's wrong with you?" Raph sounded angry, and offended that Mikey had refused his help.

"Dude, a two-ton sign fell on me last night!" Mikey snapped. "I was trapped underneath it. Don't you think maybe I could have been a little hurt from that?"

Realization dawned on Raph as Mikey spoke. "Oh man, I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"…Mean to. Yeah I get that a lot. But the thing is you always _say_ what you mean and _do_ what you mean. There are no accidents when it comes to you three. You all are just so perfect and I am just the _useless_ pet no one wants anymore."

Mikey didn't mean to say any of that, but he was just so angry now. Everything he felt was starting to bubble up to the surface, and he couldn't stop it. He got up from the floor, standing on shaky legs, and his breaths were coming out in harsh wheezes.

"Mikey, you need to stop. You're only going to hurt yourself more," Donnie reached out to help him.

"Like you care!" he shouted.

"Michelangelo," Leo started, his voice held a warning it, but he didn't get far. He didn't know what else to say. Mikey being mad was a rare thing to see, and even harder to deal with. "You need help, so why don't you let us actually help you?"

"Why? You don't want me around. None of you do. So please… just leave me alone, I'll t-take care of myself," Mikey stood up straight, despite the dizziness that flooded through him, and started to limp out of the kitchen. He headed towards his room, leaving his brothers behind confused and upset.

Master Splinter came out of the dojo hearing the commotion in the kitchen. Mikey saw him just as his vision began to blur. Distracted, he stepped wrong on his ankle and it gave out. He fell forward onto his knees with a yelp.

"Michelangelo," Master Splinter rushed over to his side, putting his hands on Mikey's shoulders for support.

Mikey had pushed himself too far. Now he was physically and emotionally exhausted. His body was trying to tell him that he needed to rest, and it was going into a forced shutdown. Mikey swayed backwards into Master Splinter's arms, muttering a small sorry before the fatigue fully overwhelmed him.

The other three brothers came out of the kitchen still shocked from Mikey's outburst. The quiet now hung over them like the stillness after a hurricane.

"Raph, what did you do?" Leo whispered harshly.

Raph whipped around to face him. "Nothing! I didn't know he was hurt. I mean I got electrocuted, but I'm okay now."

"But he was angry. Did you say something to him?"

"Not really."

"My sons, that is enough!" Master Splinter interrupted their argument. "Fetch the first aid kit, Donatello. Leonardo, help me get your brother to his bed."

Leo helped Master Splinter lift Mikey carefully from the ground trying their best not to jostle his injuries. Fortunately they weren't that far from his bedroom, and were able to move him easily enough. Although they did face some difficulty with the mess that was Mikey's floor.

"What's wrong with him," Leo asked quietly, once Mikey was in bed.

"I am not exactly sure. I believe his physical injuries are not serious, but just sent him into shock from the pain," Master Splinter pulled the blankets up over Mikey's body to keep him warm. "But I do believe that he has been hurt emotionally, which is affecting him too."

Leo looked down guiltily. He knew he must have been part of the reason Mikey was so upset, the blame wasn't just on Raph. Donnie came into the room with the first aid kit, interrupting Leo's thoughts. Raph stood in the doorway observing.

"His ankle may have a serious sprain, and I believe he is suffering from cracked ribs. Hopefully none of them are broken," Master Splinter spoke to Donnie as he opened the kit.

"Then we can put a splint on his ankle for now," Donnie said. "But cracked ribs, especially for us, are difficult to fix."

"Yes, well cracked ribs for anyone cannot be easily managed. Michelangelo will just have to stay on bed rest for a few weeks."

Donnie nodded in agreement, and started to place the splint on Mikey's ankle. He used gauze to make it secure. It was a fairly simple task that he had practiced many times. Just as Donnie was pinning the wrapping into place, Mikey began to groan.

"Mikey, man can you hear me?" Raph asked, jumping to his brother's side. Leo hovered slightly behind him just as eager to see if Mikey was going to wake up.

Mikey slowly opened his eyes, and grimaced. The pain from his side was intense even from the slightest movement. But he pushed past it to look up at his brothers. The conversation he had with them in the kitchen still echoed through his mind. He didn't like being angry, honestly he didn't know how Raph could feel the emotion so often. It felt awful and suffocating, almost as much as the pain his ribs were causing him.

He watched them for a minute and then without even meaning to, his lip began to tremble. Mikey's eyes welled up with tears, and he began to cry. His brothers looked at him startled, not sure what to do.

"Mikey, are you hurting?" Leo asked softly.

"I-I'm sorry," he murmured between his sobs. "I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" Raph questioned. Why would Mikey be apologizing? "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Mikey shook his head. "I was really angry. The things I said were mean, I'm sorry. But I was just so upset." He paused taking a shuddering breath. "You guys were just picking on me so much, and most of the time I know you're just joking, but this time the insults really piled up. It hurt and I snapped."

Leo, Donnie, and Raph all shared a glance at each other. They really hadn't noticed how much they had been picking on Mikey. They unintentionally let it go too far.

"Look, Mikey…we didn't realize that's how you felt," Leo said.

"Yeah, sometimes you goof off for attention and we make jokes," Donnie added. "But we have been saying more insults lately, which weren't nice. I suppose we didn't notice, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

"Man, you could have said something before," Raph frowned.

"I did!" Mikey said, wiping at his eyes. The movement made him cringe. "You just didn't think I was being serious. Dudes, do you know how much it hurt when you were passing me off onto one another when we were in the Kraang's base? It was like I was some little kid that didn't know how to do anything. I can take care of myself, you know."

Master Splinter until now had been watching the conversation unfold. He knew there was some tension between them ever since they returned from fighting the Kraang and Shredder, but did not realize why. Now that he knew what had been going on, especially with Michelangelo, it was surprising.

"Is this true?" Master Splinter asked. They all nodded, their heads hung low. "You are a team. You must work together. But most importantly you are brothers…family. You should not be treating each other in such a way. Each one of you has strengths and weaknesses. Where one falls, another will stand."

"Hai, Sensei," they replied solemnly.

"We're really sorry Mikey for the way we treated you the other night," Leo apologized.

"But, Mikey sometimes you don't pay attention and we didn't want that to bring us down," Raph added.

Mikey sighed. "Dude, I get that. I know I need to focus more. Sometimes I don't realize I'm not paying attention. My thoughts are so…sporadic sometimes," he smiled at Donnie's somewhat surprised reaction to the use of the word. "I looked it up in that thing called a dictionary, bro."

"Oh really?" Donnie asked playfully.

"Yeah, so I know I can be annoying. Sometimes I do it on purpose, but I don't want to be seen as someone you want to push to the sidelines. I've always got your backs, I just want you to have mine too."

"We were wrong for treating you the way we did," Leo started.

"But we will always be there for you, bro," finished Raph. Donnie and Leo nodded in agreement.

"That's all I needed to hear guys," Mikey wiped at the tear tracks on his cheeks, and smiled "Thanks."

* * *

**A little one-shot I found hiding in my documents the other day. The ending may need some work, but I'm going to leave it as it is for the moment. I really wanted to write something based around "The Gauntlet" because Mikey was getting pushed around. I don't necessarily think he's one to hang on to dark thoughts for too long, which I tried to express. I just hope everyone doesn't seem too out of character. **

**Please let me know what you think!**


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